JULY 9TH SHOW STAND UP NEW YORK 236 West 78th st NYC 212.595.0850

This is my birthday. This is the big time. My lord and saviour Bob DiBuono is letting me host and that means more Andrea Jarrette for the buck. I couldn't be more sincere when I thank all of you for properly calling in your reservations and doing this one lousy thing for me. I've always been there for my friends at the drop of a hat. Now, I will remind you all to think hard about returning the favors bestowed upon you by God for sending me into your life. Let's celebrate the glory that is me. The savory mouth feel of the words cunt, negroidian and vagumach. Together. And raise a glass to Bob and Lorraine for having me, and for looking at the babies hair.

I find it very uncomfortable to be around people that are super-observant because I'm so flawed. 
 I can fix that shit when I make $$$ but I'll probably spend the money on building luxury homes and boutique hotels for homeless felines and beautiful drugs instead.
Did I say drugs? I meant rugs. Seriously. 

......for more charmers like the one below, come see me at 


Stand Up New York on Wed. June 15, 8pm show 


236 W 78th St NYC

Wed. June 22 8pm

and last but not least...

Sat July 9th @ 5pm. This is my birthday. Don't fuck about.

$15+2 drink min. for all shows

I want to hang out with your kids as much as you want to hang out in a swimming pool filled with used condoms.